By Rob Tannenbaum
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Who does Lisa Marie Presley think she is?
FOR YOUR SELF-PORTRAIT, YOU DREW A MIDDLE FINGER. WHY?
I don't draw well. The only things I can draw are that and a cat's ass, so it was one or the other.
SO WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GAVE SOMEBODY THE FINGER?
The other day, at an Easter party. [Laughs] It was one of my besy friends, and that's all we do: insult each other all day long. My friends and I are constantly bantering. "Go sugars! yourself." "Fuck your mother." Things like that.
OTHER THAN CURSING, WHAT PERSONAL HABIT DO YOU HAVE THAT PEOPLE FIND ANNOYING?
Probably biting my [mumbles].
BITING YOUR WHAT?
Biting my nails.
OH. IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID, "BITING MY ASS."
[Laughs] There's that too. It's a real drag when the family's around and I start biting my ass. No, I bite my fingernails. It's terrible. They looks like toes.
LET'S SEE. EWW, GROSS. THEY LOOK LIKE REALLY UGLY TOES. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PRAYED?
There was a time in 1996 when I was having chronic panic attacks. They were brought on by my divorce [from Michael Jackson]. And I probably begged somebody to make it stop, because it was pretty bad. It took a while, but ultimately they stopped.
WHAT ARE YOU LIKE WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK?
Very social and chit-chatty. The complete opposite of how I am when I'm sober! [Laughs] I can carry on a conversation forever, tell people how much I love them ... I'm a happy drunk.
WHO DO YOU HATE MOST IN THE WORLD?
Psychiatrists. I just think that they are a direct cause of the demise of human beings. I disagree with the whole thing: pointing out people's bad points, focusing on them, then giving them drugs they can't get off and that don't get to the root of the problem.
DO YOU WORRY ABOUT OLD AGE?
Yeah, it makes me paranoid. The body starts doing really weird shit after 35. Like, I'll throw my back out now. And hangovers are worse.
WAX OR SHAVE?
Wax, because the hair stays away longer. You get used to the pain. I'm a maniac about the bikini area - if there's any hair, I want it gone. I'm very anal about that.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE ELSE?
My mother. People think my mom's me and I'm her. They just know it's a Presley - one of 'em.
DESCRIBE YOURSELF PHYSICALLY.
Short. I am short. That's all that comes to mind. Women are better off petite - it just seems more feminine.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR BODY, WHAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT?
God, where do I start? I'd have a twelve-pack and fuller lips - that model-fake kind of full. I'd never have surgery on my face, by the way. I've never seen that work out for anybody. You should leave your face alone.
ELVIS PRESLEY OR FRANK SINATRA?
Gimme a break. [Laughs] Elvis Presley.
Why?! Because. Many, many reasons. I happen to be more partial to his voice. And him.
ARE YOU A GENIUS?
Anyone who says they're a genius is an asshole. You can be one, but you can't say you're one. And by that, I'm not saying I am one.
AH. SO YOU THINK YOU'RE A GENIUS.
That is not what I'm saying! Don't you print that. That's for other people to think about, not me.
WHAT DO YOU SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON?
My staff, and 24-hour security.
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU HATE MOST?
What's happening right now on Top 40 radio. It just seems very Stepford to me, and a little soulless.
ARE YOU A GOOD GIRL OR A BAD GIRL?
It depends on what day you're asking me that question. I can behave very badly if I want to.
LAST QUESTION: WHAT DOES YOUR SELF-PORTRAIT SAY ABOUT WHO YOU ARE?
I am a middle finger.
YOU'RE A HUMAN MIDDLE FINGER?
A human middle finger, exactly. God, yeah.